Archive | March, 2013

The Great Avoider

17 Mar

What is my life, If not an Avoidance?

I avoid risk in matters of work and love.

I hesitate to take that first, in fear of failing – and in doing so: I do not move!

I push those away through distance or fear of getting too close

To which I find those around me always slip away, no matter of past laurels or events.

I set myself goals, for which I never maintain…

…. and the Irony is: I am the first to complain!


Even this year; My final close friend is moving away to better his own prospects and seize his own goals.

Whilst I remain Still… Unhappy… and alone.

When it comes to work; I soldier on – with the smile on my face, that my friends and colleagues have come to know!

When Inside, all I feel and is Anger and Resentment for what I have become!

With a constant fear of change or the Unknown!


Upon reflection of my life so far; All I seem to have to show is this scar*

Some may say “the materials are there: the House, the TV, the Xbox and the Car!”.

But what do these possessions hold, but monetary value?

It still does not compare to the companionship of another!

Someone to hold onto and hold back.

Someone who is there there for the bad and the good.

Someone to talk to at the end of the day.

Someone to irritate you/them Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with.

And Someone to share your life with…


Maybe this is why I play these video games; to find companions when there are none around.

Maybe I over-think things too much…

Maybe I have too much pride, and that’s what causes my anger!

Regardless, I am tool of my own destruction and by extension: The Great Avoider.


Every night I lie in my bed thinking: “What can I do to change my life?”

However, when opportunity arises: you do nothing but procrastinate and lounge, as you watch the day pass you by!


You say you are independent, and do not need those around you – but let’s face it: that’s a bare-faced fucking lie!

Maybe you need help from those around… Try and find one of these heroic role models people cry about!

Maybe you should find your faith… Ha! What a fucking laugh!

I have no faith; I believe when you are done: you are done…

… and all there is after is the stories and the legacy you leave behind!


I mean; If I were to die tomorrow: What story would I leave? Who would cry in my wake?

Other than common pleasantries – What would I have left? I have done nothing of worth in this world!


I was given the opportunity of a future, by going to University, but let it slip away as (surprise, surprise!) I didn’t try hard enough.

Of this I feel the greatest anger in myself; as I was given the opportunity held dearest by many but let it slip away – as I didn’t grip hard enough and by extension: I failed!


And yes I have a job (for which I am entirely grateful for) but there is not a day that that goes by for which I don’t think: “I could offer so much more…”


And all of this is deserved… for it is my Nature.


For I am nothing but The Great Avoider


365 Update

17 Mar

So as anyone reading this may have gathered that i haven’t being posting at all.

This is down to one reason alone: I can’t be arsed to give a daily update of my life, as it is pretty dull at present and why should i give a daily critique?

So this page may or may not be updated in the future…

I’m still going to the gym and getting fitter.

I’m applying for IT roles occassionally.

And I’ve been on dates and see girls.

So fuck it! Want a daily account of someone’s life? Look at Youtube… Plenty of more interesting people there. Better still look at your own life and do something interesting!

This will remain open for random postings (Probably poetry – Yes, I write!) but I don’t know of the frequency.